Nothing is still a blessing...

I posted previously about junk happening in our little family. I think we are o.k. in letting others know on what's going on. This may be a little T.M.I.. So if you don't want to read on it's fine. My body is in a lot of pain and it's not a continual pain. I can be doing great for a few hours and then be in pain for next few hours. I thought it was just menstrual pain from having my monthly cycle. But it wasn't my time of the month. The pain was in my pelvic and lower back areas, then I found that I started spotting.

I went to my gynecologist and after pap smear and blood tests, they found nothing. As days passed, the spotting got worse, as well as the pain. I started having full on discharge of blood, mind you it's still not my time of the month. Now, wearing a pad all day I went to the doctor's and they couldn't find anything wrong. But she told me that she wanted me to have a vaginal ultrasound done. I know, gross. But it had to done. They did another pap test and with the ultrasound, they found that I have tumors in my ovaries. More tests were done of course and all that was going through my head, was ovarian cancer. My doctor said that I have to keep my head up and be positive, whether the outcome would be.

I've been in for more tests and they still haven't found anything. I feel like I'm at a dead end, I wish that they could find something, good or bad. It's more difficult, when your told "we can't find anything." I'll take that as a blessing, times like this, it's always better to hear there's nothing than hearing "you need to come in with your husband." If anyone hears those words, it's never good news.

Please know that physically, I am o.k., I can still move around fine. I do have pain still, some days are better than others. But I thank my Heavenly Father for looking over me and allowing me the blessing to dance with my kids. I cry a lot, thinking of the "what ifs?," then I'm reminded everything is great, when my son kisses me on the cheek and says "mommy dance!" I want to thank you for your prayers and your loving comments. I often read them, to help me smile. I know everything will be just fine, because of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Knowing that the end doesn't happen here on earth, but it can go on after and forever. My family is forever. I think the biggest worry I have is if the worst does happen, how will my hubby handle it? And how quick will he be in finding another someone special? I know, I shouldn't think about it. But I don't think I'm the only one, who thinks about those kinds of questions.

Oh well, I joke with my hubby a lot about it though. I say that if he is really quick on marrying again, I'll haunt him, but if he just waits, I would be on the other side preparing that woman for him. He always says to me, "honey, if something happens to you, which it won't, I'm going to be a widower for the rest of my life." I love him so much.

I guess my message to you, who read this, is dance when you get the opportunity, smile when no one else is and always have a thankful heart that you love someone and that you are loved.